


Vashedan

by Sinelaborenihil



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Loyal to the Qun The Iron Bull (Dragon Age), Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26662963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinelaborenihil/pseuds/Sinelaborenihil
Summary: The Iron Bull has a nightmare about remaining loyal to the Qun.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Iron Bull
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	Vashedan

**Author's Note:**

> **TW: Intimate Partner Violence, ignoring a safe word**

_**Asaaranda Astaarit.** _

_The man known as The Iron Bull recited the words over and over in his mind. They had been spoken to him by a meek-looking elf down by the stables when he’d stopped by to visit Blackwall. Roughly translated: The storm rises._  


_It was time._  


_Hissrad had known that the time was drawing near. The creature Corypheus had been defeated, but the Inquisition remained as an almost unassailable bastion of power in Thedas. They would present a...complication to the Antaam._  


_Thus, they had to be dealt with._  


_A soft snore drew his attention and Hissrad looked down at Inquisitor Zuri Trevelyan. It was strange to think that someone so small and soft could represent such power, but he knew better than most the power that she wielded. He could not deny that she was impressive, and that in his weaker moments he would even acknowledge that he felt an abstract affection for her. But it was the affection the fereldens had for their mabari. Respect for an instrument of war. But when the creature grew dangerous, when it strayed, it had to be put down._  


_**Maraas shokra.** There is nothing to struggle against. It must be done._  


_Hissrad reached out and placed his hand gently around the Inquisitor’s throat. This was a game they had played at many times. She would not be alarmed at his touch. Not until it was too late._  


_But perhaps there was something unusual in his touch this time, something uncertain, because her eyes shot open and found his._  


_“Bull?” she asked, her amber eyes picking up the ambient light from the dying embers of the fire._  


_He did not respond, only tightened his hand and looked down at her dispassionately._  


_“Bull?” she repeated, her voice slightly hoarse with alarm. Some part of her recognized the danger she was in. She was quick, he had to give her that._  


_All the more reason to do what must be done._  


_Her little hands wrapped around his wrist and pulled, but they both knew that he was much stronger._  


_“Bull!” it was an order now, spoken in the tone of a woman accustomed to giving orders._  


_He ignored it. The man she called upon, The Iron Bull, had never really existed._  


_“Sorry, **Bas** ,” he said softly. “Maraas shokra,” he whispered in the same tone he had used to whisper endearments no more solid than the wind._  


_“Katoh!” she said. She had never said the word before. He knew then that her fear was real and she recognized death when it lay its cold hand upon her. He tightened his grip and held on through her death throes, watching as her eyes grew wider and wider as her full lips opened and closed._  


_Then, with a final shudder, she went still._  


_“Shok ebasit hissra,” Hissrad said softly. “Meraad astaarit, meraad itwasit, aban aqun. Maraas shokra. Anaan esaam Qun.”_  


_With that, he turned and picked up the dawnstone ax that the Inquisitor had made for him and made his way down the stairs. He had removed one head, to be sure, but the inquisition was like the Hydra from the ancient Tevinter tales. There were other heads that needed tending to before the whole beast would be truly dead. As he reached for the door handle that led to the main hall of Skyhold he swore he heard the whistling wind outside whisper: “Katoh”._

The Iron Bull jerked awake with an oath, groping desperately for Zuri. “Kadan!” he croaked raggedly.  


But she wasn’t there.  


His eye adjusted quickly and Bull realized that he was in his room, not Zuri’s. She’d had a late meeting with Cassandra, Leliana, and Cullen, and encouraged him to get some rest without her.  


“Fuck," Bull grunted, swinging his legs off the bed. He glanced outside and saw the moon was still high in the sky. Plenty of time to go and find her.  


He hurried towards her quarters, giving Varric a quick nod as he passed the dwarf frantically scribbling something next to the huge fireplace. Varric raised a bushy eyebrow and waved him along before returning to his writing. Bull opened the door to Zuri’s quarters and locked it behind himself, taking the steps three at a time despite the protests of his bad knee. He forced himself to stop outside the final door, knocking in case Zuri was in a meeting.  


“Enter,” she said, in her crisp businesslike voice.  


The sound of her voice went straight to the knot of tension in his belly and unwound it slightly.  


Bull took a breath to compose himself and entered, locking that door as well before hurrying up the final steps until he caught sight of Zuri hunched over her desk poring over some papers. The simple armor he’d insisted be a part of her Skyhold wardrobe was hanging on an armor stand and she was wearing a simple linen shirt embroidered with ivy over a pair of form fitting trousers. The shirt had been a gift from Flissa after Zuri had saved her during the assault on Haven. Her bare feet stuck out under the desk and the candlelight from the candelabra on the desk reflected slightly off of her shaved brown head. The thick strip of dark curls down the center looked damp, which likely meant that she’d run a cool cloth over her head to combat the headaches she often got.  


“Yes?” she said without looking up.  


“Kadan,” he said and winced at how ragged his voice sounded.  


Her head shot up, her precise brows furrowing. “Bull!” She glanced at the water clock on her mantle and winced. “Shit, it’s late. I’m sorry, I meant to come down earlier.”  


“It’s all right,” he said, crossing to her and gently easing her quill out of her hands. He pulled her to her feet and took her in his arms, hugging her to himself tightly. Her arms went around him, bringing with it the scent of her perfume. It was a mixture of cloves and something woodsy, cedar he thought, and its familiar scent soothed his frayed nerves almost as much as the firm reality of her body against him.  


“What’s wrong?” she asked him, her warm hands smoothing up and down his back. Her hands were always warm, an effect of her magic she’d told him once, and he let out a long breath. He pulled back slightly and rested his forehead against hers.  


“I love you,” he said, surprising them both. They both knew how they felt, but tended to mask the depth of their feelings with sardonic comments and gentle teasing. It was rare they said the words.  


“I love you too,” she said immediately, but to his surprise the words did not comfort him. Instead the opened an aching maw inside of him. Guilt swirled at the center of it. Guilt, and fear. She looked up at him, the firelight picking up the golden flecks in her amber eyes. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”  


“It’s-”  


"If you say ‘it’s nothing’, I will light you on fire,” she said, her full lips quirking just enough to tell him that she was mostly joking. The smile faded as she looked up at him. “Come on, love, it’s me. You can tell me the truth.” She jerked her chin outside, where they would resume cleaning up after the final battle with Corypheus in the morning. “We survived the end of the fucking world together, I can’t imagine that this is going to be worse than that.”  


_You survived the end of the world,_ Bull thought. _But you didn’t survive me._  


Her warm little fingers wound through his and gently pulled him towards the bed. They sat together, Bull leaning against the headboard and her sittiing cross-legged between his legs facing him.  


“Talk to me,” she said gently.  


Bull took a deep breath. He had no secrets from her. Not in this life. Not as the Iron Bull. She would understand.  


“I had a dream,” he croaked.  


“Not one where you tie me up and do unspeakable things to me, I take it?” she teased gently, her eyebrow arching.  


_Unspeakable is the right word, Bull thought with a shudder._  


He closed his eye and felt her squeeze his hand.  


“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice full of consternation. “I’ll shut up now. Please talk to me, Bull.”  


Bull nodded and took a deep breath before launching into a description of his dream. He forced himself to look at her when he got to the worst part, but to his surprise saw no fear or judgement in her lovely face.  


“Well, shit,” she said, when he was done. “That’s grim.”  


Bull snorted in spite of himself. “That’s one way to put it,” he said. He shook his head, looking down at where his hand was wrapped tightly around hers. His gray skin stood out in stark contrast to the mahogany of her skin, and her hands, while strong, looked so delicate and refined in his thick, scarred hands. Perhaps they were too different after all. Perhaps it was he who was the Saarebas, the dangerous thing, the unsecured container of gaat-lok waiting to devastate the unsuspecting people around him.  


“Bull, please look at me.”  


Though it was couched as a request, he heard the unmistakable echo of an order in her words. He raised his head and met her eyes.  


“You are _not_ Hissrad,” she said firmly. “I know that you were. But that is not who you are anymore. Just like I’m just Zuri now, and not Lady Zuridinae Ylveni Trevelyan. You made a choice.”  


“I killed you,” he said, finally forcing himself to speak the words. “Zuri, I _killed_ you.”  


“It was a dream, Bull,” she said. “A terrible one, but still just a dream.” Her lips curled in a sad smile that made him want to pull her into his arms, but he was still afraid. “Trust me, no one knows nightmares of the havoc one could possibly wreak like a mage.” She shook her head. “The key is, you can’t let that fear control you. You are not that man any longer.” Her lips curled as one eyebrow quirked. “I can hit you with a stick, if that would help.”  


Bull chuckled, feeling a little of the tension leaving his neck and shoulders. “I would never-”  


Her hands tightened around his and brought it up to her neck, wrapping it around the smooth column of soft, brown skin. “I have no doubt, Kadan,” she said quietly, holding his eyes. “There is no one I trust more. No one I would rather have at my back,” she smirked, “or my front.”  


Though his hand shook, Bull kept it where she had placed it, knowing the gesture for what it was. Gently he pulled her towards him and kissed her, only removing his hand so that he could lift her into his lap and wrap his arms around her. They undressed each other slowly, and when he lowered her back into his lap and slid inside of her, it felt like coming home. Their lovemaking was slow and tender, and afterwords Zuri snuggled under his chin, giving him a gentle kiss on the underside of his jaw.  


“You’re safe here,” she said. “I won’t let them have you back.” Bull felt his throat grow tight at the simple assertion. He’d seen her lunge into battle against demons and dragons and everything in between and knew that she fought as fiercely as any member of the Berisaad. He knew that she meant what she said.  


“There is nowhere I would rather be,” he said, kissing her temple. “Zuri...I need you to know that I... _left it all behind? That I am not a monster._ That I am no longer Hissrad. I am Tal Vashoth,” he said firmly and for once the words didn’t burn coming out. “I am no longer of the Qun. I’m just...me. The Iron Bull.” He cupped her cheek. " _Your_ Iron Bull."  


“I know,” she said with such simple certainty that he had to draw her into his arms and make love to her one more time. It was more frantic this time as he poured his gratitude, and fear, and love into every touch and thrust. "I'm yours," she told him as she clutched him to her, and Bull's heart sang as their bodies found their pleasure together.  


They were both panting at the end, with Zuri draped over him as he lay on his back stroking his fingers up and down her spine.  


The water clock let out a soft little chime and Zuri groaned. “Fuck, I have a meeting with Cassandra in three hours.”  


Bull pressed his lips to her closely cropped curls and finally allowed himself to relax. “I’ll talk to the Seeker,” he said, hugging her tightly. "Rest, my heart."  


“Thank you,” she mumbled in the adorable sleepy voice that told him she was halfway into the Fade already. “Bull?”  


“Hmmm?”  


“I trust you,” she said quietly, her breath ghosting across his bare chest. Though her head was tilted down, Bull heard the smile in her voice. “I know that you will never hurt me...except in ways I want.”  


Bull chuckled and tightened his arms around her. “Damn right,” he replied and heard her barely audible chuff of laughter. “Thank you, Kadan,” he whispered, but she was already snoring. _I promise that I will be the man you deserve._

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been kicking around in my head for awhile and I wanted to get it onto paper. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
